Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
