In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
