No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize