Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
