i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just had sex bonerless
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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