He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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