Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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