Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
