He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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