so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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