The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
