YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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