sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
