i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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