I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
