you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
