Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
