I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
