I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
