maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize