I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He uses pillows to masturbate.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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