When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up under a house in Key West
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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