PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
