I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
