Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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