She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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