Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
