If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
