by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
