I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
