The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
birth control should be required to get into college
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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