I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
