I just made out with a guy for $7.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
