I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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