i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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