My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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