Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
