she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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