I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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