That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
