do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
