I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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