and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize