"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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