Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
