Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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