i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need water and some morals
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
