someone get that fucking seahorse.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
