What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
