you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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