Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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