She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
