a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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