He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
