Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
