thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
