There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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