If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
