We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
