She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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