I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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