I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
