Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
