She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
