So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
