my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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