i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
