I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
