I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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