i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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