Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
