what if every blade of grass was a penis?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize