we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
