Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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