I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
