Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Enjoy the penises
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
