made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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